Hearts in Journal
by Robin G
Summary: Percy and Oliver have to first realize each others love and then act on there own.
1. Entry 1

Title: Hearts in Journal: Entry 1   
Author: Robin G.   
Author Email: magicwings77@yahoo.com   
Pairing Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood   
Rating: R, NC-17, Slash/Yaoi   
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters, I do own the made up charas, but I don't care if you use them or anything. J.K. Rowling has all ownership of HP!!   
Summary: Percy and Oliver have to first realize each others love and then act on there own.   
Feedback: Always welcome!!   
Archive: FFnet, your welcome to put it on you site, just maybe tell me about it first, so I don't get an anoyomus email telling me they read it on such-and-suches site and I don't have a clue about what there taking about. ;)   
Authors Note: This would be slash (m/m relationship) and if you don't like it, then please hit the back button and continue on your way! 

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_Dear Journal,___

_I feel stupid writing this. Or, for that matter, even having this book in my possession. I don't want to think about what 'could' happen if this got out. But...I need to talk to someone well at least someone else besides him. Because of how the way he always makes me feel when he's around me. I feel like a little kid, writing to you likes this. Good Gawwd!! Where 'is' my brain? Well, how about I tell you why I'm writing this. Fred and George said maybe I should write in a 'diary'. They were making cracks at me again. And I thought I ought to try it. Well... not the diary part, Journal sounds a better, I think. Right, anyway, I have to tell someone even if it is just this stupid peace of parchment.___

_I'm in love, (I know that was rather blunt.) with the most wonderful person. Now don't gag when I tell you who it is. Promise? Stupid of me, well he (yes he) is the one of the best Quidditch keepers I have ever seen. He's also the captain of our house team. He is completely obsessed with the game. I can't blame him; it is exciting, even watching them fly around. (Maybe that's just because he's out they're playing) He tells me about how we're going to win the Cup this year. Our last year... it's hard to think that it's been seven years. After this year, I'm afraid that I'll never see him again.___

_He's my best friend, rather my only friend, I'm sure we'll keep in touch now and again. He's told me about possibly being signed with a few Quidditch teams after we graduate. He says he's been offered a position with the Puddlemere United reserve team. I'm happy for him. I'll probably find work at the Ministry and never see him again.___

_I've never told him my feelings, of course. He's my only friend. He understands me and I'm afraid that if I tell him, he'll be horrified or be scared of me. Tell me I'm a pervert and never speak to me again. But then again, after this year, I won't see him again anyway. Maybe on the last day, or before that, I'll tell him. Then I'll be able to enjoy the friendship we share and it'll last up until that day. And I think I could survive just knowing that I tried. And I won't spoil the last year of our friendship.___

_ I'll never forget the way he makes me feel. I relax only in his presence. He makes me feel giddy. (Giddy? Lord… I'm losing it) I sometimes want to jump for joy just because he's my friend. I trust him with my heart. He once told me that he trusted me and that I am his only real friend, his best friend. It made me extremely happy and I still am. I told him that he was my only friend and I trusted him, too. He is my best friend and I'll cherish that for the rest of my life. He doesn't seem to treat me like everyone else does. He treats me like the friend he is, not like someone to be afraid of. He's not afraid, he doesn't walk on eggshells around me, afraid that if he does anything given me the opportunity, I'll give he detention and take points away. But I'm not like that, inside, at all. I suppose I do it to protect myself. I'll admit it, I am afraid to love someone, even him. He's never hinted that he 'loved' me. But being friends is just enough. Isn't it? Can I live with just being his friend? I desperately want to know if he loves me back. I want to know if he cares about me that much.___

_He's never really had a girlfriend. I asked him about it once. He said that he'd never found the right person. That he would know who he wanted to be with the rest of his life, before he started to date. I asked him how he would know whom he wanted to be with. I hoped that he'd give me a sign, anything to know that I could be anything more than a friend. He had just shaken his head and said that it would just come to him or hit him smack in the face. Then he dropped the subject and we had continued writing our essays.___

_At night sometimes I wait for everyone to fall asleep. And I creep out of bed and over to his bed. He doesn't usually close the curtains, preferring the sun to wake him so he can get a few minutes of broom practice before he hits the schoolbooks. So I walk over to him. His eyes closed his mouth slightly open as he breathes his life. He looks like a child, so innocent, needing to be loved. And I know that sounds corny, but its the truth! I wish he would let me love him. Sometimes I dare myself and I lightly brush my lips against his. He feels so soft and warm. I want more, but I know it's not possible. He murmurs in he sleep, something about perfect? Brown locks of hair fall across his forehead as he moves. I brush away the strands. He murmurs again about something not understandable. I sigh to my self and watch him a few more minutes and then walk back to my own cold bed and think to my self how warm his must be. I think about how nice it would be to put my arms around him and just hug him close to me and not have to worry about anything.___

_I found out the most interesting thing the other day. I figured out what he smells like. It had me stumped for quite awhile. He smells like an assortment of spices. Sage is one off the top of my head. He also smells like dew on the morning grass. I suppose it comes from the frequent morning flying practice. We usually work on homework together and are one of the excuses I use to sit and sneak peeks at him and just inhale the scent of him. It makes me want to know what he tastes like. What flavor his skin and kisses are. I think he might taste like chocolate. He seems to like Chocolate Frogs a lot. But his scent never ceases to relax and comfort me.___

_It's no secret that Penny is my girlfriend. But I don't love her the way I do this man. We do kiss, but it's like kissing my sister Ginny! I don't feel the spark of life, I do when I brush my lips against his at night, with out him knowing.___

_I think of Penny as more of an older sister. I've never really related to any girls with the exception of Ginny, because she never was 'grown up' when I was at home. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister, just like my brothers (regretfully) and Mum and Dad. But everyone expects the best from me, because of Bill and Charlie. Fred and George are on the Quidditch team, probably the best beaters we've had in a long time. Nobody expects Head Boy, Percy Weasley, to break rules, to be gay. I don't really like that word. It sounds awful and mean, something to spit at. I don't like to think of my self in that way. I've tried many times to try to tell Penny that I would just like to be friends and I'd like to think of her as a sister; But I'm afraid she'll be crushed. I'll have to tell her eventually.___

_We do spend a lot of time together, him and I. I sometimes wake up early, with the sun and him though he doesn't know and I watch him dress and he leaves for the Quidditch pitch. I dress quickly and fallow. He has never caught on to my sneaking around. He enters the Quidditch pitch and I quietly sneak up to the bleachers, I sit in the corner of stands and just watch him fly around the stadium. He always looks so happy, flying, it must be fun to fly, to lose all your thoughts and just fly. It's as close as you could probably get to being free. His face lights up with joy as he flies around. He is magnificent, his lean torso, muscular arms and legs. He swerves in-between his goals and then off to the other side to do the same. Sometimes I wish I was daring enough to take one of Fred or George's' brooms and fly with him. Just to know what it feels like to be free. To not think about anything at all. Not what people would expect, form me, if they found out, what people would people think of me.___

_Did you know? After Fred and George had gotten tired of teasing me, George told me something, when no one was around. You wouldn't believe what he said. I don't know if I should take him seriously. But he seemed to mean it; he did indeed seem to mean every word. He told me that he thought I was just the right person for Oliver. I was shocked. Did he know? 'How' did he know? How would he know anything about Oliver? My heart flew a million miles an hour. I suddenly had a nervous feeling in my stomach, like a dozen snitches were fluttering around in my stomach. George told me that he was lonely just like me. Then he winked and disappeared after Fred. He never brought the subject up again. Thankfully. And it didn't look like he had told anyone else. I presumed Fred knew also. I'm not sure if I should believe him, but this time he seemed so truthful.___

_I think I should trust him, just this once. I'm beside myself with happiness. Just the thought that someone else thinks I'm right for him, someone else knows and I didn't have to tell him. But, then again, 'how' had they known? Am I really that easy to read? Is it that obvious that I love him? I'm not sure. It's so confusing. I want to tell him, but the fear of being rejected is so great, I don't know if I could handle it. To be rejected would be pure torture for me. But... it's so hard... Does everyone have this much trouble with love?___

_I shall tell him, I think. When we graduate. I shall work on building up my courage and I will tell him.___

_I will tell Oliver Wood that I love him. And I will live, whatever his response. To that, I believe, I shall end this._   
__ __

_~ Perceval A. Weasley_


	2. Entry 2

Title: Hearts in Journal: Entry 2   
Author: Robin G.   
Author Email: magicwings77@yahoo.com   
Pairing Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood   
Rating: R, NC-17, Slash/Yaoi   
Disclaimer: See Entry 1   
Summary: Percy and Oliver have to first realize each others love and then act on there own. 

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_Dear Mum,_

_I want to confess something mum. Its semi important, and I know, you can't give me any advice, because your… well… up there in heaven. But please listen to me anyway even though I know you always do. I don't know why I haven't told you this from the start, but I just wasn't sure if I could… if I really did feel this way. Silly of me really, I mean I've been nothing but stupid to know that I have this 'thing' for him all year and last year, and the year before that. *sigh* I'm hopeless! I fantasize over him and he would probably be disgusted with the very thought!! I mean he was a prefect and now he's Head Boy, (or Big Head Boy as Fred and George affectionately call him)._

_I agree with Fred and George that the boy is perfect. Perfect Percy, nothing more and nothing less. I mean how can he be less than perfect. I know that he would never think of me in the way I wish because he 'is' perfect. I'm mean seriously; he's been going out with Clearwater for crying out loud!!! How much more proof do you need, because if that doesn't have 'straight' written all over it, I don't know what does. I haven't told you yet and up till now I've only really gotten the courage to tell you this and if its taken me this long to 'write' it. I'm sure as hell going to have a hard time telling him about the non-strait issue but telling him I've been in love with him for seven years? Though I probably should tell, what do you think mum?_

_Did you know? I did slip once. I was in the Quidditch team locker room and I had a picture of Percy there. I had just gotten it before the game and I hadn't had time to put it away. It had fallen down to the ground. Fred had seen it and before I got to it, he did. He looked at it and he seemed a little surprised. I thought he'd freak out, for sure, and yell at the top of his lungs. But he didn't. He just looked at me, smiled and you wouldn't believe what he told me. He told me I should hurry up and tell him. I just looked at him. I was so shocked. George came around from behind him. He looked at the picture and just like his brother said I ought to hurry because I only had one more year left before we would be scattered across the earth. I was totally and utterly shocked!_

_When I finally found my voice I had stuttered, "What?… Hurry with what? But they just smiled and Fred handed the picture back and he said, I think you know what we mean. With that they finished dressing and left for the common room were they would be celebrating over our victory. I stared after them. I finally drew my eyes away from the door and looked down at the picture. Percy smiled up at me waving. I had smiled slightly and waved back. Later I carried him up to the common room. I had made it though the party and I put the smiling god in my dresser were I'd be able to see him every morning._

_I thought to myself then. How had they found out? Was I really that easy to read. I wasn't really open with anyone. The only person I really told anything to was Percy. Then a sudden fear hit me, what if they told Percy? But I re-thought it, they had told 'me' to tell Percy. But how 'would' he tell Percy? Percy is my best friend. I can't tell Percy. Because… Percy has a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that I don't have a chance with him. And I dought I ever will have a chance with the red head. If Percy knew… if Percy ever knew that Oliver Wood, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, was in love with him! I figured Percy would look at me in disgust and would no dought call me some kind of ugly word. A few words float to the top of my mind. Prick, Pervert could just be a few._

_He did ask me once, if I had a girlfriend. I told him I just hadn't found the right person. My mind was screaming 'THAT'S NOT TRUE!! I HAVE!! ITS YOU!!' I also told him that I would just know, and it would just come to me and I don't have to look. It would hit me right in the face. But secretly I knew that it already had. But I had ignored that voice and we had continued with our homework._

_A lot of the time I have these dreams. I dream that I'm holding him, that he kisses me softly and he tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I love him too. They all seem so real… so perfect… so surreal. The dreams are so innocent and peaceful. I wish desperately to never wake up, when that's the case. To just sleep and dream of the perfect boy, to sleep forever with Percy in my arms. But that dream has yet to come true, if will ever come true… I tell myself that when the sun wakes me. When I wake. I quickly dress and quietly not to wake him or the others in the dorm and I sneak out to the Quidditch pitch._

_Quidditch has taken over my life, now. I use it as a distraction. I concentrate so hard on Quidditch, because the head boy is always in my head, during the day. I spent a whole summer planning strategies to keep my mind off of him. Quidditch keeps me sain! I suppose maybe I should concentrate more on schoolwork than on Quidditch or 'him'. But I do have good marks, surprisingly enough._

_ I always go to the Quidditch pitch in the morning, to settle my mind and focus. I fly as fast as I can. I'm so enraged, that I'm thinking this way. That I always think about him that way. I just get so mad!! That I can't… no… afraid to tell him. I hurl the Quaffle so hard that it hurts my arm and then I speed after it, trying to release all the built up tension, so I 'can' concentrate on school. That's why I'm here isn't it?_

_Sometimes I find my-self thinking of him so much it hurts. I'm surprised he hasn't figured anything out yet. That his best friend is in love with him, that all I really want is for him to kiss me senseless or to kiss him senseless. Love is so confusing. Does everyone have this kind of problem that I do? I wish I had all the answers to this. Do I tell him? Do I risk the fact that we are friends? But I ache for his arms, his kisses. I want to know what he tastes like._

_I've figured out what he smells like. It took me the better half of a year to figure it out. He has a soft aroma of vanilla, strawberries and rainwater. I surprised my-self at that point. That's when I really realized I had a problem, that I was really 'in love' with Percy Weasley._

_I can't imagine what Da will think? He will most likely have a heat attack, am I right mum. I've figured out what I will say to Da, when I come out of the closet, I will just have to tell him that Alex is his only hope for making him the granddad he wants to be. He 'is' married though. Sorry, mum. That must be a little shock for you, Da remarried; sadly, he couldn't live his life alone. He still loves you mum, he always will, I know. Da can get his grandchildren form Alex and his Quidditch dream from me. Sorry Da but I can't do both. I wasn't really homosexual to start with. Actually I didn't know I was. I always thought that girls were very pretty especially Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet. They wouldn't be to bad a choice either, they all love Quidditch. But I just think they deserve better than me. I'm in love anyway._

_My heart has already been taken._

_That's the other thing. If I did tell Percy and he didn't feel the same. He would walk away and take my heart with him. I don't think I could really love anyone else but Percy. Percy is so gentle, though he is very strict. I don't think he really is strict inside. He is very kind and receiving when he's around me. I think he uses the non-rule breaker reputation as a wall. I really think he's hiding something. He looks so sad and depressed sometimes. For example when I sneak peeks of him, when we study together, or in class. His eyes become a deep blue when he's sad. Its like he wants something and is afraid to have it. I always want to wrap him in a huge hug and tell him that everything will be all right and that I'm here and I won't let anything happen to him. I want to tell him he's safe with me in my arms and only my arms. I want to tell him that he can trust in my love and that there is nothing to fear because I am here for him. He looks so innocent and vulnerable and I ache all over just to hold him with all my might._

_Sometimes I wake extra early in the morning before the sun even shows its rays and I walk over to his bed to watch him sleep. He looks so innocent and so vulnerable when he sleeps. I want desperately to protect him from any danger. I look at him without those glasses that I know he hides behind. And I look at his rumpled hair and I think it would look a bit better if it wasn't so neat, but that's Percy. The glasses… the hair… the attitude… it just plainly Percy. I accept that, because that's who he is._

_Percy always has a reputation to keep up with to be just as good as his brothers. Because if he doesn't people will think lower of him. That he's the dud in the family. He told me something like that once. I don't think he meant to either it just kind of came out. But even though he has succeeded and people don't think of him as the dud. But it doesn't really matter because they did it first. Though he knows Ron has a harder time. He's the last and they have already done it all. He dose care for his family weather they know it or not. Percy is very kind and has a kind heart. That was probably the thing that drew Percy to me. Either that or that the boy didn't really have any real friends. Because everyone thought he was so bossy. But I knew back then, first year, it was just a front._

_Though I know, this love could either help of destroy our friendship. I think I should tell Percy about my heart. I know about all the chances, that he has Penelope. But I think I must tell him. I think I must tell him and get it off my chest. Its been bugging me for a long, long time._

_So in a leaving statement mum, I shall tell Percy Weasley that I have and will always love him._

_I think it would be wise to wish me luck mum. Good-bye for now mum, I love you._   


_~O.T. Wood_   
  
  



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